“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” Elie Wiesel
I am a 22 year old single male. I have two knives on my person at any one time, and ride my motorcycle in 20 degree weather, despite that my full face helmet was recently stolen and I rode with a numb face. If I am able to find who took it, I will gut him. In my room, hangs a sword. Next to my marble chess set is a candle holder made of found bone…. Now…. given all of the above, I would just like to say that Tangled is an awsome movie. An equal among the best disney princess movies out there. At the least. I loved it. Shame is, Disney has said they are trying to distance themselves from those magic based roots, and are moving to things like “Mar’s needs moms” and “Cars 2”.
Ug. It was an excellent fairytale and put me in a good mood. And an excellent ending.
Rode back thinking all manner of happy thoughts, which produced a general feeling of “life is good”.
And then a cop pulled me over. Again. At the same stop sign I have been pulled over three times… Even though I came to a complete stop and put my foot down.He said he was looking for drunk drivers…. And so he pulled over a biker… On second….I felt frustration wanting to creep in, but I was determined to keep my good mood, so I opted for amused befuddlement instead. (really spellcheck? thats a word? If you say so.)
But when he saw my smile, he told me that, next time I get pulled over, I had best tell the cop that I have a knife on my wallet/key chain. Because if they feel threatened, I might find a gun in my face….
But ok, ok. Deep breath. Im still in a good mood, Good movie, a new chill roomate. A cold but crisp night. Bright stars. And so I ride the rest of the way back, laughing at how strange but fun life can be. Cant let a cop with a billy club up his ass get ya down.
And then I check my messages to find my dear brother has apparently pulled some shit, and mother “may I, no you fucking may not” mother, is implying that she is so upset by my brothers completely legal, on the books, fascination with marijuana, that she is going to get the cops involved in MY home here in Durango, to make sure her baby boy’s fragile mind is not corrupted by that evil plant.
Meanwhile, Mother is watching Fox news 24/7, Fathers job (in addition to the support for my tuition) is uncertain, Brother’s best virtue and vice of loyalty has his his vision narrowed and near sighted, I cant stop shooting myself in the foot, Not sure if I can keep my job while getting all my work done during finals, and, oh ya, my 100$ saddle bag just tore off.
Why did I fucking like that movie anyways?! Fucking blondes. Unrealistic horseshit anyways. Wanna rip a head off. MATTHEW! Where the fuck is that address?!
Goroos Fa FUCKING BA!
I love the rain. This morning it was raining.
I said to myself? “I should take a shower.” But that sounded stupid. So then I said to myself. “Fuck that. I only need to get my hair wet.”
And so I spent the morning slow walking in the backyard in just my sandals and pants. In a sort of meditative state. Letting the rain pound down on me and just enjoying the beauty of raindrops running down darkened bark, living breathing drinking leaves and the blood red berries.
You can see the beauty of an upsidedown world by putting your eye to that drop. And by putting your tongue to it and having it rush into your mouth; it can give you more energy then a whole cup of coffee.
And then I tried again to get my new computer to start up, fail.
Went to the library and got a message….. Sigh.
The morning always start out better then the reality of the day.
I gotta be more tao. Accept my inner nature.
Do not fight or struggle against that or the circumstances I find.
This is not a time to talk or network. Couldnt even if I wanted to.
This is a time to withdraw, read, reflect, and Be.
I almost laid the motorcycle down.
I was approaching a 4 way intersection. There was another guy at the stop sign to my left. But he didnt even look. He went up to the stop sign, stopped, and pulled right out in front of me.
I Put as stady and even pressure on the front and back break as possible without hitting the guy. Started skidding and fishtailing anyways. But I was able to retain control of the bike and bring it to the side with a surprising amount of ease. So…. go me.
But still! Why the fuck even stop at a stop sign if your not even going to bother to fucking look for oncoming traffic!? Isnt that the whole fucking point?
When you are at an intersection, LOOK BOTH WAYS! Jesus. That should not be such a hard concept. Im no poster boy for road safety, but thats something you are supposed to learn when you are four years old while holding you mothers hand.
Anyways, after he heard my horn as I swerved and braked, he looked back at me with panic on his face and accelerated away like a bat out of hell. Didnt want to say sorry for fear it might be awkward….
A dumbass and a coward.
Oh well. At least I know ive got good reaction time on the bike. If I was in a car, I would have hit the guy for sure.
I love my job.
From a ethically pragmatic standpoint, if I could wave a magic wand and make it so there could be no alcohol in the world, I would.
….. And yet, I could see how that bar could start to feel like a place of family. Free excellent food. Free shift drinks, The bartenders are uber chill gals, and the bikers that roll in are some of the nicest guys youd ever meet. So far, its proven that you dont need the conventional standards of society to keep good men from becoming animals of anarchy.
Went for a ride yesterday up to falls creek in the national park above us. It was windy. It was raining. It was beautiful.
The rain brings out a deep green and gives voice to the leaves as it speaks with the river. The the light fog on the mountains carried the rays of the setting sun. The clouds above didnt so much move the light across the landscape as it moved the landscape beneath the light and beneath my feet.
For an hour I walked. For an hour I sung spontaneity to the trees. For an hour I just sat on slickrock,surrounded by blue and green.
This has taught me, among other things, that I really need a better camera. A phone wouldnt do it justice.
How can Isral be so stupid? Combine this with the killing of 9 humanitarians last week, and support for the blockade of Gaza has pretty much dissappeared overnight.
I get the right to defend yourself. But neither of these groups were armed. How hard would it have been to bring them in and avoid all the geopolitical backlash?
Israel started out as the little kid in the playground who was getting picked on by everybody else. Then comes big brother US to help them out….. fast forward 10 years, and Isral starts going around punching everyone else in the face for looking at them wrong, because they know that we have their back….
Our unconditional support makes them stupid.
Last night I found myself laying on the carpet drinking hard cider by the fireplace. Laying there, thinking about the shitty day I just had.
Thinking how I really could have used a friend. Then realizing thats why the day felt so shitty if the first place.
No matter how much an individual professes to care about you, at the end of the day, when it matters, human beings are selfish, short-sighted, temperamental creatures…. That makes me sound bitter, but im not. in fact, it brought me to an important epiphany.
I was never once lonely for the first 20 years of my life.only the past two years or so….people should never be used as a crutch. Im going back to how things were. Being emotionally self sustainable is the way to go.
So, I decided to spend today by getting a nice book, a sandwich, and riding the motorcycle up north to the national park and finding a couple of beautiful spots to just read and think and be.
Its easier to change what you want then it is to get what you want…. And thats how you get what you need.
One is never alone if he counts himself as enough.
So. That was my decision I got up and put my hand on the top of the fireplace to push myself up…… Let me tell you. Those old fashioned metal fire places get real fracken hot, real fracken fast. If you drop a drop of water on it, it doesnt even touch the metal surface really. It just rolls around like a mini ball for a second before dissapearing with a hiss.
And when you put most all of your body weight on that hand…….. ouch.
I now have two permanent scars on my left hand. one travels diagonally down….. (Irony?)
Anyways, if I hadnt been drinking before, I started then. Knocking back 7 hard ciders to try to kill the pain while I spent most of the night with my hand under a cold faucet, and the rest lying with a tube of frozen meat in my hand……
im still buzzed, in pain, and verry verry sleep deprived.
Why did I get that burn right after I made my decision?
Is fate trying to tell me something?
Go fuck yourself fate.
This article is an excellent read.
I epically liked this part.
"In popular culture, rare is the man portrayed as wise, strong and noble. In film and music, men are variously portrayed as dolts, bullies, brutes, deadbeats, rapists, sexual predators and wife-beaters. Even otherwise easy-going family men in sitcoms are invariably cast as, at best, bumbling, dim-witted fools. One would assume from most depictions that the smart, decent man who cares about his family and pats the neighbour’s dog is the exception rather than the rule…"
I mean… have you ever watch Everybody Loved Raymond, King of Queens, The Simsons, or any other popular TV show and noticed how the husbands are all contemptuous to the core, whereas the smart, practical, empathetic and modern wife always saves the day while simultaneously belitteling and putting down the man she supposedly loves?
Since that article was written, the economy took a shit. And now, there are reports that there are more women in the workforce then men.
Im not an anti-feminist. In fact, I was once told, that you were a feminist if you belived in equal oppertunity for both genders.
So if thats the case, I am a feminist…. I just think the pendulum needs to swing the other way just a little bit… At least culturally
The legislation of “Left Behind” and standardized testing has turned our public education system into something that is geared more towards girls.
Look at the statistics of academic acheivment in this country. Unless you want to make the case that women are inherently more intellegent then men, it is clear that we have overcorrected in many aspects of our society.
It could be argued that the feminist movement, Political correctness, And the media marketing behemoth has turned the modern world, into a womans world.
( I will concede that there is still a disparity in CEO jobs and politics. But one might argue that the reason for that is more a factor of ambition then avalibility. But thats a different tangent.)
In todays world, you can not get verry far simply with your own conviction or ambition. You need to network.
Today, many Guys do not know who they are as men, because they subject themselves to the opinions of others…. They become shallow, because becoming anything more, risks making a statement that might offend.
I do not believe in this… I do not try to offend anyone, but I will not sacrifice substance of soul for the sake of comfortable normalcy.
…. That, and I just thought it was a nice read.
… And I love playing Devil’s Advocate. :P
I half expect mockery to commence for my opinions on this matter.
Espically as I am attending a femminist lecture tonight.
And you know what? I expect to agree with most of what is said there.
I will also think that she is missing the second half of the conversation.
Although that article is a good read, the author does fail to realize that there are many different degrees of gender and sexuality.
Many today, on both side of the arguement seem to think that you have the barbaric, power hoarding men. And then you have everybody else.
This is just sad…
I agree with equal oppertunity. No matter what.
But gender movements on both sides are co-opted by the idea that each gender needs to be like the other. Guys who feel left out try to be women. Women who feel left out try to be men….
Keep the divirsity people.
There are many genders and states of being. all with their benifits. No need to try to lump ourselves into one catagory.